Wednesday, 6 April 2011


I wanted to write about Mirjam, in case you dont know her she is the owner of the D/s academy. I have been fortunate enough over the last few weeks to get to more discussions in world then normal. I have been to many different places and enjoyed some interesting talks. One thing stood out to me in all this, and that was Mirjam's dedication.

Mirjam manages to run D/s academy, support exsisting projects, and help new ones get off the ground. She is also a landlady, a friend to anyone who needs one, she writes, holds classes, takes part in community events and many many more things, there is no doubt she is an energetic and talented lady, but here is what stood out to me. She supports every discussion at her sim, I dont think I have ever attended a discussion where she wasnt present, she supports those who speak there, makes sure that the events are well advertised so that the content reaches the maximum possible audience, and she is active in a talk, adding her own thoughts and comments throughout. This is so very rare to see, when a sim gets busy, when it develops and expands so often the simple things, the original goals seem to get lost. Mirjam never forgets why she developed the D/s academy, and she continues to hold it true to its original mission.

Importance of recieving feedback

I got my first comment today, stops to thank Sir Renzo

It got me thinking and so I went off to get some food and sit in the sunshine while I mulled it over. There is a part in which Sir Renzo comments that this might be seen as a hate blog against Forceme Silverspar. That didnt sit well with me, the thought that people may think that is my intention bothered me, so I took a look at my blog, the posts already in place, I dont think there is anything in them that isnt fair, however I decided to remove the Forceme likes and dislikes maybe my sarcasm is a little on overdrive there.

This blog was inspired by Forceme, her blog moved me to the point I wanted to write about it, to show another side, I am sure she will continue to inspire many more posts, both good and bad. Just because I write though does not mean I do not recognise the good things she does, but in the interest of being more well rounded I will post on other things as well.

I hope people will always feel free to speak out and say what they think, it is only through communication we develop and grow.


Forceme Vs Darius

I debated quite a while before writing this post, let me explain why. The entry is regarding a blog posted by Forceme on 2nd April 2011 titled - Creepy Fella Darius Aldrin

Now at first glance the blog is an outright attack on Darius Aldrin, Darius owns Dominus a BDSM club, academy, and auction house within SL, the blog itself attacks his "no drama" policy, attacks his character, his relationships and his comments on redzone, and in defence of ACES owners.

Bella sighs and thinks here we go again

But in the interest of fairness and making sure I understand I took a look at the comments made on Force's blog by Darius, and took a look at Darius' blog entries concerning Forceme I was saddened by what I found.

Darius runs a good place, while I do not agree with everything he does I find him to have only good intentions. I have found him approachable and helpful whenever I have contacted him, he holds some great events and there are a lot of good people involved in his sim.

However as much as I disagree with Forceme's attempts to defame people through her blog, I have to say that I do not feel Darius' behaviour was acceptable when it comes to sending notes to her Master, auctioning a horse called Forceme, etc etc

When someone attacks us if we respond with jibes, attacks, and hate campaigns does that not make us just as bad?? I disagree with Forceme and her methods in many many ways, I have the right to that opinion and the right to comment on it, but to do the things that have been done in this case smacks of nothing more then bullying. Whilst Forceme may laugh it off, whilst she may post blogs regarding the subject, I find it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Darius has with support of some individuals lowered himself to this and it just disappoints me.

I took some time to read the comments on Forceme's blog - ACES co founder supports redzone, they were articulate and valid points, everyone having their own view and feeling able to express it. As you have read in previous blogs I dont supportt Forceme's behaviour in regard to the ACES group. I find Jez and Jovial have both conducted themselves well and addressed all of Forceme's attacks with valid and articulate points.

Darius started with this, but then turned it into an attack, a form of bullying, this is sad to see, I hope that Darius realises what he is doing and adjusts his behaviour. Forceme was wrong to attack him, but two wrongs dont make a right and Darius you are better then this, I hope you reconsider your actions.

What is clear to me in all of this is that so much energy is being focused on this battle and I am not sure I understand the point. There are so many good instituations in SL, so much great education, why are we allowing this politics to get in the way????

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Pot calling the kettle??

Today I thought I would take a look at Forceme's most recent posts maybe there is something interesting, some new sim? some new discussion? something learnt?

Blog- Cheese with that whine? Tuesday 5th April 2011

Forceme goes to new sim opening party (Bella is curious so reads on, and then sighs) so it seems Forceme went along to the party, not a word about the sim, what it is, what goals it has, not a word about the decoration, the people who run it, its potential, instead two paragraphs in Forceme jumps into attack. Does this woman ever go to a party where she dosent pick a fight?

So of course in the interests of this persons privacy and respecting the right for every individual to have an opinon Forceme politely posts the whole conversation on her blog for all to read!

Now I am not defending this girl, I wasnt there, maybe she was being a pain in local chat, maybe she was upsetting everyone, but when was Forceme asked to step in? Forceme was simply a guest at an opening party, she has no stake in the sim, no ownership of the land, no involvement at all. To take if further who is "everyone"? How does Forceme know that anyone other then herself is getting irratated by this girls comments?? If she was causing an issue on the sim then it is the sim owners job to ask her to quiet down, it is the sim owner who can boot someone who is damaging the atmosphere of the party.

Forceme seems to feel that she is needed to manage everyones behaviour. Perhaps she should consider changing her name to Super Force and buy a cape and putting her underwear on the outside, maybe get into SL Security, or perhaps she should stay out of things that do not concern her.

Where did it all go wrong?

I took some time today to reread Forceme's blog, I have read it right through a few times but it has been a while. As I scanned the different posts I felt a sudden wave of sadness I will explain why here

Forceme's profile on blogger
Hello, I'm Forceme Silverspar and I write this blog; I suppose the title gives that away, hmm? I have been in Second Life for a number of years and for the last three years, I have been journeying as a submissive. I know no two people would follow the same road but I hope that in sharing my life with you here, I can open up some of the decisions, choices, problems, the ups and downs, the hurt and happiness, that I come across. I hope you enjoy following my development and rummaging around in my psyche. Feel free to IM me in SL.

Sounds wonderful dosent it, someone exploring, venturing into the unknown world of submission,  willing to share their adventures, their thoughts, their emotions., wow what a blog to read!!

There are some brilliant posts as well check out - Subs needs 26th August 2010

Sadly it dosent last, as with alot of things that start out well the blog has become tainted, damaged, where once you got an exciting insight into the world from one womans perspective now all that you see are the bitter rantings of a women who seems to struggle to tolerate even the simplest of conversations.

Is this what second life does to us??


Linden labs TOS are of course something we all need to adhere to and noone seems to know this better then Forceme Silverspar. Forceme has taken time and sems to have learnt them inside out, back to front, and upside down.
Bella wonders how many reports Forceme has submitted in her years in sl??

Now TOS are of course important, they protect users, they protect Linden Labs and they help us live our second lives safely but it seems to me that Forceme exploits the TOS for her own personal attacks. Anyone upsetting her needs to make 100% sure they are inside Lindens TOS because she will dig and dig until she finds a valid reason to send a report. Bella wonders once again if Forceme has to much time on her hands.

One of Lindens TOS is hugely important to this blog. Linden states you may not share private conversations, it is a violation of TOS to share ims without the express permission of all people involved. Fair enough, makes sense, anyone doing it knows that they are breaking TOS.

Now a little while ago disclaimers started appearing in profiles, they go a little something like this

  Disclaimer: Chat/IMs may be recorded & shared. This statement releases me from liability as per SL TOS.

A lot of people saw them and added to their own profiles, most not checking if this was a valid disclaimer or not, turns out it isnt. Oh well, what a pity, never mind. Do you think Forceme felt the same? Oh no she dedicated several blogs to the disclaimers and accused those of using them as being stupid, dim witted, etc etc and to add to that she very kindly placed her own disclaimer on her profile

If you have this in your profile or words that mean the same then you are one big DUMBO.  Do please understand that LL have no control over non LL servers. 
Disclaimer: Chat/IMs may be recorded & shared. This statement releases me from liability as per SL TOS.

Now then someone who is as fond of TOS as Forceme, someone who dislikes ims being shared, who has I am sure probably hit the million reports mark would respect peoples privacy, or so you would think. Guess what - you would be wrong. It is not violating any TOS to post information outside of Second life and Forceme exploits this fact to its maximum potential, she may not share notecards with logs of ims in world, because that would be wrong, an invasion of privacy etc etc but she is quite happy to post them all over her blog, she is quite happy to slander, to use snippets of conversations she has in world to make any point she wishes in her blog, and this isnt just a one off, this isnt one conversation with one person, if you scroll through her blog this is hundreds of conversations, hundreds of posts. Of course she isnt breaking any rules but..........

                                                     Bella questions - double standard much????

Monday, 4 April 2011

Forceme Vs ACES

It is well known that there is no love lost between Forceme and the co-founders of ACES and hasnt been in the last 12 months, so here is my take on it all
(Point to note this is simply my understanding of it based on what I have read and what I have heard)

So what happened ??  Jovial allegedly used some content from one of Forceme's classes without giving credit to Forceme for it. Jovial has ammended her curriculm so that this is no longer the case and states that this wasnt what happened, or if it did it was accidental. Forceme has since demanded that nobody who hosts her classes posts anything on ACES group and has repeatedly attacked ACES and its founders, Jovial and Jez, on her blog and in world.

A little bit about Jovial

I cannot comment about Jovial using or not using Forceme's material, I was not at the class, therefore I have no right to pass judgement either way. However I do know this. I know Jovial well, I find her to be friendly, caring, intellegent and considered. I know her submissives and they have been with her for a long time and are happy, all of them are intellegent, funny and have a good understanding of the lifestyle so they would not stay with someone who didnt know what they were doing, I also know how she has affected their real lives/first lives which tells me she is a good Mistress. I have watched her support sims, both new and continuing, I have seen her present at many many discussions, I have listened to her voice opinions, ask questions, and give feedback. When approached she is always more then happy to help and offers a kind word and friendship to anyone who asks, she does not judge, she works with many many sims and educators in second life to try and build communication and understanding, she encourages other educators to actively work together and is responsible for forming many bonds between sim owners who at one time were more concerned about keeping their traffic then getting the messages out there. She sees that the way forward within the community is to forge bonds, to realise we are all trying to deliver the same message, that we are all attempting to protect against abuse, and that we all have good intentions and beliefs. She is also not afraid to speak up when she sees something she dosent like, to voice concerns in a constructive manner and to offer help and support to implement change.

Jez I have lesser contact with, but I have found her to be supportive, approachable, she is keen to build events where we all work together, arranges oppurtunities for sim owners to meet, for people to become aware of each others work, and to learn to work together. ACES is a credit to Jez and Jovial and it will I am sure to continue to grow and strengthen, I for one will give my ongoing support.


Forceme built up an education programme when Second life really didnt have much in the way of education from a lifestyle perspective, she delivers some amazing classes with some great information in them. She has a knowledge and understanding of BDSM that enables her to offer advice and support to those who seek it, Her classes are well structured and I love the ROPE sessions with the certification at the end of them for those wishing to improve or learn to role play. The classes she delivers should be well respected.

Sadly though Forceme does not like working with other educators, I have never heard to this day a good word from her about another educator. Perhaps she feels ousted from her position since others have started to provide education, perhaps she feels that so many forms of education mean that it cannot be monitored, controlled to ensure the content is good. Perhaps she just dosent like working with others. I have heard stories of her demanding her boards arent placed with ACES boards, it is well known that she wont allow her classes to be posted on the ACES network and she takes every oppurtunity to attack ACES and its co- founders.

In my mind at least, an incident that occured 12 months ago continues to be an issue, it is continually brought up at every oppurtunity when quite frankly everyone else is bored of it and dosent want to hear about it.
If as Forceme claims she just wants good education for all in second life who seek it then surely she would find a way past this, surely she would colaberate with other educators and encourage people to attend lectures she thinks are useful. Isnt the end goal for all to better inform people and protect against abuse????